Please turn to 1 Peter 3:1-7:
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
A few weeks ago, we started going through Matthew 5 and the Beatitudes. We saw that God had a lot to say about persecution and about being reviled and reproached. Living as a Christians in all of these things, Jesus was saying, “Blessed are ye,” when these things are happening to you, “when men shall revile you…for My sake.” I think that this is a good passage to follow up on, where we can get a very personal look at a woman or women who are living the Christian life in the marriage relationship.
Here in 1 Peter 3:1, it begins:
Likewise…
This lets us know that we are going to have to go back to the previous chapter, because God was making some statements in 1 Peter 2 that 1 Peter 3 is following up on. If we do take a step back to 1 Peter 2:18-21, we read:
Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward. For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully. For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:
It continues on for a few more verses, then 1 Peter 3:1 begins:
Likewise, ye wives…
God is really laying out the Christian life. However, this may not be the Christian life that we have heard about, as we hear the message coming forth from the churches of our day. The message coming forth today is all positive; it is all glamorous; it is all exciting. “Be a Christian. Be happy. Have the best of both worlds. You still live in this world, but now you have God on your side and you have the assurance of living forever. God has a wonderful plan for your life.”
This is the message that is out there, and it is everywhere. It is everywhere, yet the Bible is really packed full, it is jam-packed full of information that warns us and tells us, plainly, if you are going to live as a Christian, you are going to suffer persecution. You are going to be afflicted. You are not going to have an easy time in this world. It is going to be difficult.
For instance, we read in Philippians 1:29:
For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him…
You see, this is part of the gift of God. Faith, repentance, the whole package that comes with salvation—it is all “given.” But look what else comes with salvation:
…but also to suffer for his sake;
This is “given.” This is part of the gift. This is part of what we can expect. Jesus told us, “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” This is a matter-of-fact statement. We will experience tribulation. Actually, in our day, it is “great tribulation.” So we read that it is “given” to us “to suffer for His sake.”
There are varying degrees of suffering and varying situations for the child of God, for the Christian, where we may be suffering for the sake of the Gospel. One place that this happens is in the home; it is in the home. We think of the world and how the world does not understand the child of God and how the world is contrary to the believer, but what about the home? You see, the home may be the most difficult of places to live as a Christian, if not everyone in your home is saved.
If there are people in your home that are of the mindset of the world, it can be very difficult. But maybe you were once of this mindset, too. Maybe as a wife, you were out in the world at one time, but now you have heard the Gospel and God has changed you and given you a new heart and a new spirit and put new desires within you. Slowly, you are changing and you are beginning to do things God’s way.
So God is going to talk to the wives here in 1 Peter 3:1:
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands…
“Ye wives, be in subjection.” The Greek word for “subjection” is a compound word. It is made up of the two Greek words, “hupo” and “tasso.”
“Hupo” is a word that is very common in the New Testament, and it means “under.” For example, when the Roman soldier said to Jesus, “For I also am a man set under authority,” “hupo” is the word “under.” It is commonly translated as meaning “beneath,” “below,” or “under,” as in “under” another or “under” something.
So the Greek word for subjection is “hupotasso.” Let us look at a couple of places where the Greek word “tasso” is found by itself. We read in Acts 22:10:
And I said, What shall I do, Lord? And the Lord said unto me, Arise, and go into Damascus; and there it shall be told thee of all things which are appointed for thee to do.
The word “appointed” is the Greek word “tasso.”
It is also found in Romans 13:1:
Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
The word “ordained” is the Greek word “tasso.”
“Tasso” is a word that is translated as “set,” or “ordained.” It refers to something that has been put in place by God, whether it be authority or the marriage relationship. Whatever it is, it is something that God has ordained. So the Greek words for “subjection” are two words that mean “under ordination” or “under this situation that God has ordained out there in the world,” whatever it might be.
Let us look at another place where it is found. In Luke 7:8, which is a verse that I referred to earlier:
For I also am a man set…
The Greek word for “set” is the word “tasso.”
…under…
This is the Greek word “hupo.”
…authority, having under me soldiers, and I say unto one, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it.
You see, he is “set” in the military. He has his rank. He has some who are beneath him, and he, himself, is beneath others. This is the idea of that word “tasso.” It is something concrete that God has set in place. It is something that He has ordained to be so.
Exactly like in the marriage relationship, the woman is the wife of the husband and God has subjected or placed the woman in subjection to the husband. This is what God has ordained. This is what God has established for the household. Actually, this is what He has established for every household in the world, but, really, it is only the true believers, the Christians, who would desire to obey God and to have this kind of a household where the wife is in subjection.
This word “subjection” itself, “hupotasso,” is found in a very familiar place in Ephesians. It is actually found a couple of times in Ephesians. In the first place, it is translated as “submit.” We read in Ephesians 5:22-24:
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
The word translated as “subject” is also the same Greek word “hupotasso” that we have here in 1 Peter 3.
So this is God’s will for the woman in the household, “be in subjection.” God has established authority, and the wife is to be under God’s established authority. This is similar to how God has established authority in the world with the government. We are to be under the civilian authorities, we are to obey in all things lawful.
When the government tells us to pay taxes, we pay taxes. When the government sets the speed limit, we obey the speed limit. Right? When the government passes any law, as long as it is nothing contrary to what the Bible says, we obey. We obey because we are “set under” the government, and that includes everyone.
There are some women who might be uncomfortable with the idea of being under subjection, to be “under” the husband’s authority. Yet there are also some people who do not even like to be under government. They rebel against the government. They do not do what the government wants them to do. They become known as rebels—those who are on their own and want to do their own thing.
We know that God never sanctions rebels. God commands us to “obey them that have the rule over you,” even if that government that is set over you is not the best of governments, even if they do many things wrong, even if there might be a tyrant for a dictator or a ruler over a particular country. We are to obey in all things lawful.
If the government instructs the woman to get an abortion because they have ordained that the family is to only have so many children, then she is not bound. She does not have to obey that kind of law; it is okay to disobey in that case.
So it is with the wife in the household. She is to be in subjection in all things lawful. However, she does not have to obey if the husband wants her to do something that is not lawful. For example, if he did not want her to read the Bible anymore. “I think it has your head all messed up. I want you to stop reading the Bible.” In that case, the wife is to say, “I am sorry. I am sorry, Honey. I can not do that because God encourages me to read. He desires for me to read His Word. He tells me, ‘give attendance to reading.’ We are commanded to read the Bible, so I can not obey you concerning this.” But if the husband wants something else that is lawful, then obey. If he wants steak for dinner, cook him steak. Do not be quarrelsome about these kinds of things and listen to what he says.
Again, we read in 1 Peter 3:1:
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
The example here is of a wife who may have a husband who may not be obeying the Word. If you have a husband who is not obedient to the Word of God, it really opens up the situation in the home to just about anything. If the husband is not under God’s will and he does not care about serving God and doing things God’s way, then he can fall into any sin that is out there. He can be the biggest drunk around. Sin will grab hold of a sinner and it will cause him to do many rebellious things, because he is not following God. He can not follow God because he is spiritually dead; he is “dead in sins.”
Believe me, there could be godly women—children of God, holy women—dealing with this very situation. You know, this is the language that the Bible uses. The Bible speaks of “holy women” and “women professing godliness.”
I know, today, these kinds of terms have been vastly misused and abused, because if you talk about anything “holy,” you think of certain things in your mind. The churches have greatly misused these terms and the world just frowns on thinking of things that are “holy” or “godly,” yet the Bible uses these terms.
So you can have a woman whom God has saved. She was at one time “of the world,” but now, she has been “delivered…from the power of darkness, and…translated into the kingdom of His dear Son,” and the situation in her life could be awful. Her situation could be terrible.
Let us say that she is married to someone who is a heavy drinker. He goes out on payday when he gets his money. He goes to the bar and he is out all day and maybe even through the next day. Maybe he comes home two days later with $1.50 in change in his pocket.
Where is his paycheck? Where did it go? Well, he spent it up. But there are bills due. They need to buy food. They need to take care of the necessities of life, but the money is all gone. It is all gone.
Would that not be an easy temptation for anyone, especially a wife, as soon as he wakes up and comes out of his stupor, to have the attitude of, “I am going to jump on him good and I am going to rail on him and I am going to give him an earful!”
God would say no, she is not to do any of that. Make him a cup of coffee. Treat him nice when he wakes up. Be as kind and as gentle as you can be. “Be in subjection to your husband.” He may not be the best of husbands, and he might be one of the worst, but “be in subjection to your husband.”
“Be in subjection to your husband,” even though this husband will not allow you to listen to Family Radio while he is present, even though he will not listen to the Bible himself, and even though he refuses to obey the Word. He heard the Word. He turned away from it. He does not want to hear it anymore.
Even though all of these things might be going on, the wife is to just keep living as a Christian. She is to keep giving a godly example. She is to keep living according to God’s Word, according to the will of God. She is not to be a nag, even though it would be easy for anybody to nag in this situation. Instead, she is to talk nicely to him.
This is what God is saying in 1 Peter 3:1:
…if any obey not the word…
He is also “without the Word,” because he will not allow it in the house:
…without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
“Without the Word,” he can be “won by the conversation” of the wife.
We have to be careful with the word “won,” because we live in a day when there is a lot of talk of “soul winning.” There are gospels out there with the attitude of seeing how many souls can be “won.” They have their formulas. For example, in the Evangelism Explosion, you go through so many steps. At the end, the sales pitch is made, and you “win” someone for Christ.
This is not what God has in mind. This is not what He is talking about at all. God is just telling us that the woman’s example can be used by God in order to lead that man back to the Bible, and then he could become saved by the hearing of the Word of God.
We have to also stress here that when it says that the husbands will be “won by the conversation of the wives,” “without the Word,” it in no way means that God can save someone apart from the Word of God. There are some who have come across this verse and they try to get it to say that very thing, but it does not mean that at all.
God always saves through the Bible. He always works through the Bible. “Faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.” It is not possible for someone to become saved just because a believer is in a particular situation, and through the witness of that believer, without mentioning the Word of God, someone can find salvation. That is not what is in view here at all.
Using the example of the inebriated husband, even though it could be drugs or a thousand things more wicked, he has spent his pay, yet the wife was forgiving and gentle and kind. Maybe her attitude had no effect, and he does it again and again and again. He has no control over himself, because sin rules in his life; it has “dominion” over him.
However here is his wife, and maybe he knew her before she became saved. Before, she would have really given him a tongue lashing; she would have jumped all over him. Yet now, she is praying and praying and praying, and she is being that godly example. It can have an effect—it can take effect.
One day, maybe the husband picks up the Bible or maybe he just asks his wife, “Why have you been so good to me lately?” Believe me, everyone has a conscience, and he will be aware that he is blowing all of his money on alcohol. He will be aware of it, and this is one of the reasons why he keeps going back and drinking more; he can not stand to have conscious thoughts about the evil deeds that he is doing. He feels very badly to begin with, because he is not taking care of his children or his wife or his responsibilities.
So the witness of the wife will be a definite force in the home, where he might be won. He just might be “won by the conversation” of the wife, as he now goes to the Bible, and God could begin to work in his life—and God will begin to work in his life, if he is one of God’s elect.
1 Peter 3:1 continues:
…won by the conversation of the wives;
This word “conversation” is not used in the same way today. Today we use it in this manner, “I had a conversation with someone;” meaning, “We had a discussion. We talked.” That is not what this word means. This word is referring to the outward behaviour of the wife. It is how she conducts herself in her life, which includes her words, but it is also what she is doing. It is referring to how she is living her life.
This word is also found, for instance, in Ephesians 2:3, where it says:
Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.
This is referring to our previous lifestyle. This was how we lived. This was our “conversation.”
Or turn to 1 Peter 1:15:
But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation;
Again, live your life in a “holy” way.
This word “holy” is so contrary to the world. The world is anything but holy, yet to live a “holy” life means to just simply obey God. Obey God. Keep His commandments. Do things His way. What God says, you will do—that is living “holy.” This is a command that God has given us. “Be ye holy; for I am holy.”
In 1 Peter 2:11-12, it says:
Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul; having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation.
You see, have your “conversation honest.”
We are a Christian. We say that we are a Christian. Everyone that we work with knows that we confess to be a Christian. They are going to notice us in our jobs and in our work. Are we getting anxious? Are we speaking badly of the bosses? Are we joining with them when there is a crude joke, etc., etc.? It goes on throughout the day, every day, and God tells us to have our “conversation,” the way that we live, “honest,” which means that it is in agreement with what we are professing. You are saying that you are a Christian, so live like a Christian.
It does not matter, in one sense, because they are still going to talk evil about you. They are still going to speak badly of you. God has told us that we will be “reproached for the name of Christ.” We will be reviled. Yet deep down, they will be beholding you:
…they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation.
On one hand, they are going to speak behind your back. Sometimes, they will speak directly to your face. But they will speak, most of the time, behind your back, and they are going to just separate from you. You are going to be the oddball. But as long as you are honestly doing it God’s way, as long as you are not sinning in many different ways and your “conversation” is honest, then that is alright. They can talk all they want. It will not bother the child of God. Or at least, he will learn to not let it bother him, because this is going to “glorify God.” This will glorify God “in the day of visitation.”
So we can see how the wife’s “conversation” is very important, because the husband is certainly going to “behold” what the wife is doing in the house. You can not escape; you can not get away from your wife. This is as close a relationship as there will ever be. If there is any dishonesty, if there is any guile within the one who is professing to be the Christian, it is going to come out; it is going to be seen. If this is the case, the wife would fail to do what God is saying here, and that is to have an honest and good “conversation” that can convince the husband or lead the husband to the Gospel.
It would just be compounding the problem, if we are in a situation like this and we are claiming to be a Christian where the husband is this brute of a husband and we are just struggling day-by-day to get through, and we then we fall into the snare and into the trap of sinning back. We are reviled and we are reviling back. If this is the case, then there is no positive thing coming out of this situation. There is nothing to be thankworthy about, because it is just sin upon sin.
So God is encouraging someone who is in this position to turn to Him, really, to turn to Him and pray and seek God’s strength, to seek His power and His might to live a godly life, in very trying circumstances.
Going on to 1 Peter 3:2, it continues this same idea:
While they (the husbands) behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
We are on display. No matter where we are in the world, Christians are on display. In the work place, in the home, in our neighborhood, we are on display. Notice the word “behold” that was found in 1 Peter 2:12:
Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation.
So too, the husband, definitely, would be looking to the wife. He can “behold” that something has changed in her, that there is a God, that there is a Spirit of God. At least, he will be getting that witness and that testimony.
Continuing in 1 Peter 3:2, it says:
…your chaste conversation…
“Chaste” is another one of these words that people do not use today. “Chaste” means “pure,” and it has been translated as “pure” in the Bible.
It says in Philippians 4:8:
…whatsoever things are pure…think on these things.
“Whatsoever things are chaste.” It is the same word.
To have a “pure conversation,” you definitely need to be a child of God. You definitely need to be born again, because it will absolutely take the Spirit of God to work in you in order for you to live a life that is glorifying to God.
There are some women who are not Christians and who, from the world’s perspective, are humble and meek, yet they are not born again. Maybe they can even put up with a lot of things regarding their husband, for example, in the same situation.
I have known people who have talked about their mother and they have said, “Well, she is a saint. My dad did this and this and this, and she always put up with it.” So you can have people out in the world who maybe have some degree of patience and some degree of these godly attributes that God talks about.
When the unsaved behave this way, they do it for whatever reason, but it has nothing to do with pleasing God. Their “conversation” would not be “coupled with fear.” They are not doing it because God commands them to do it. They are not doing it to please God. They are doing it for their own purposes, whatever those purposes might be.
Yet the wife—the child of God, the Christian woman—is living this way because this is what God wants. So her “conversation” is joined with “fear”—”the fear of the Lord.” This is why she wants to be in subjection to her husband. It has nothing to do with the husband. Right?
Is this not the case in all degrees of authority? The husband might get the wrong idea and think, “It is because of something in me.” But it is not because of anything in the husband. This is just like the fact that we obey the government, but not because of anything in the government. The government can do a lot of wrong things, but we obey the government because God tells us to.
It is the same thing at work. Why do we strive to work heartily and to do the best job that we can in every situation? Of course, I am speaking of the Christian. We do this because God tells us to.
Please turn to Colossians 3:17-22:
And whatsoever ye do in word or deed…
That covers everything, does it not?
…do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God:
A “chaste conversation coupled with fear.” We obey.
If I am a child, I obey my parents, but not because my parents are going to spank me or because of anything within my parents, whatsoever. I obey because God says, “Children, obey your parents.”
The same thing with husbands, “Love your wives.” This is the same as in the first instance with the husband, not because there is anything within your wife, but because God commands the husband to love his wife.
“Servants, obey…your masters.” Today, this could refer to our boss or our employer. Work like they have never seen it. You will find that other people also work hard, but their work is not going to be “coupled with fear.” We are working out of the “fear of the Lord.”
Whatever we do, “do it heartily, as to the Lord.” This is the Christian life, and it covers every situation, it covers every element of life: the home, the neighborhood, the workplace, everywhere. Everywhere, we are to be a servant to God and to desire to do things God’s way. In 1 Peter 3, God is just zeroing in on the wife, in the home, and telling the wives that this is what they can do to please God.
We are living in a day when God intends to save a “great multitude” of people, so our thoughts are large. We are spreading out to the whole world, out of which a “great multitude” will come forth. But still, we can not avoid the home. We can not avoid the household. If there is one in the home that is not saved, or maybe our whole family is not saved, we can still witness and we can still bring a godly example, following the pattern that Christ has left for us.
Maybe one in our house will be part of that “great multitude.” Maybe it is the husband. He is qualified, is he not? As he staggers in through the door and falls on the lamp and breaks the best dishes in the house, is he not qualified as a sinner, who God, perhaps, could have mercy on and save?
God is very concerned that the wife be an example. It is great to go hand out tracts to those out there in the world, but let us not forget the household where the Gospel also must be found. Then perhaps, God can have mercy on them.
Let us read 1 Peter 3:3. This is speaking of the wife, the woman:
Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
Basically, God is going to tell women not to do one thing, but to do the other, as far as “adorning” is concerned. That is, concerning the woman’s appearance, “let it not be that outward adorning.” Let it not be the outward.
God has designed us. He has created us. Men also do this to a certain extent, but the woman does tend to focus on the outward appearance. Here, God is touching on three points:
...plaiting the hair…
This would be braiding the hair, and it takes a lot of time to braid your hair in a proper way. So God is saying as He is addressing the woman:
…let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold…
We can spend a lot of money on gold.
…or of putting on of apparel;
This is speaking of clothing.
God is hitting three points: the hair, the jewelry, and the clothing of a woman. God is telling the woman not to have a focus on a beautiful outward appearance. The ultimate desire should not be for her to look beautiful or for her to be attractive to her husband. She should not focus on that as much. She can plait the hair from time-to-time, and she can put on gold earrings or a gold ring, or she can have on a nice dress, occasionally. However, if she is spending hour upon hour on her hair and her money on jewelry and she is spending so much time in front of the mirror putting on one dress after another, that much time spent on one’s self and in front of the mirror means that there is less time spent on Bible reading and prayer and less time on using your funds for getting the Gospel out, and so forth. So this is how God is addressing the Christian woman.
As far as the world, we know that the world gets carried away with this. This is the focus of the world, right? The outward things—this is all that the world understands. They can see these things, and they can not see spiritual things. They do not see the soul. They do not see the Kingdom of God. They do not see what God is saying about “things to come.” They can not view any of that. They can not understand any of that. The world’s focus and fixation, really, is on the outward appearance of themselves and of everyone else and of the things in this world.
This is the world’s fixation, but God is telling us not to let this be any believer’s fixation. Instead, our fixation should be what we read in 1 Peter 3:4:
But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
You see, this is the great concern that God is pressing upon all women, all people. In this context, it is all of the wives. Make sure that your adorning is coming from the “hidden man of the heart.” This would be the Holy Spirit, the Lord Jesus Christ. If He is not in us, we are “none of His,”—that Spirit that God has given to each believer. Notice that it says in the “heart” of a woman, there is a “hidden man.” If you are a child of God, there is a “hidden man,” because it is Christ Himself. This is what the woman should be focused on.
To tell you the truth, maybe an unbelieving husband would not desire this, but certainly a believing husband would desire for his wife to be more concerned about the spiritual aspect of things than the physical, even though the woman might think that she has to look good because she wants to be attractive for her husband and because she wants him to be drawn to her. But actually, it works in reverse. With the Christian woman and the Christian man, the Christian man desires to see a wife interested in the Bible and wanting to read about the Bible and talk about the Bible. They want to see that “hidden man of the heart” come out more. They want to see the Spirit of God within show itself more in their life. This would be very attractive to the believing husband.
We will close the study with this verse. Please turn to Proverbs 31. I think this is a verse that we are all familiar with. We read in Proverbs 31:30:
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
You see, the “outward adorning” is a beauty that can initially draw someone and bring someone to you. But as far as the child of God is concerned, after having been married for awhile, it is not anything outward anymore. It is what is within the heart that will really make the marriage and what will make it a God glorifying situation in the home.